FIRST THINGS FIRST: Moving in together?… I do!
Hello! I can’t believe that we’re just a few months before 2019 is over and that I am already worried about buying a Christmas tree and a “rosca de reyes” … hahaha. Without a doubt, this year has passed by so fast to me and I am sure that for you too. But what I can’t deny is that 2019 has surprised me, since it’s the year when I had the courage to start with this #FIRSTTHINGSFIRST adventure.
It has also been a year in which I dare to say that I know myself better and I have taken giant steps and made very important decisions in my life… some were good others not so much. For instance, when I decided to put toothpaste in a gigantic pimple on my forehead and the only thing I got was a mirror yelling at me (in a hide-and-seek style) “one, two, three for Clau behind the pimple!” hahaha, but speaking of more serious decisions, a few years ago my boyfriend (a Finnish güerito) and I decided to move together after two years of being together.
At first, I had so many doubts because that meant that I would be the first one in my family (and my girlfriends) to live with my boyfriend before I got married. And let me tell you that my family is highly old-fashioned, so it was not easy for them to accept the idea and let alone for my friends. I got comments such as: “Clau, you’re crazy… I would never live with my boyfriend before getting married, imagine what people will say about you” … While I heard these unconstructive criticisms (bullshit) towards me , I was more worried about: “what would happen if my boyfriend realizes that I even burn the quesadillas”, or “what am I going to do in those days in which I don’t want to see anyone – not even myself – in the mirror” and the most important: “what do I do so that he doesn’t know that I hate to have oatmeal for dinner and I rather have some taquitos al pastor – six, to be precise”, etcetera…
Half of the things that worried me didn’t matter in the end, because today I realize that it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made in my entire life. I won’t lie to you, in the first day I understood all my married pals… the famous urban myth that says: “the first year is the hardest” is correct. There are days in which you are bothered even by the slightest thing, such as the dude leaving the toothpaste uncovered, or not pulling the toilet lid down, or that the hand towel is all curled up… And like this I could keep on writing about 100 examples of insignificant stuff that brought the worst of me some days.
But there were also other veeery good days in which for example, I had an excellent professional chef who cooked me the best dinners with whatever he found in the fridge, or the weekends in which we watched the entire season of RuPaul’s Drag Race all curled up hahaha, super romantic! Or the days when I got sick and had a sexy foreign nurse taking care of me… What I can confirm is that once you’ve gotten through “the first year of the devil”, everything afterwards is a piece of cake. Well… more or less. Today, almost two and a half years of living with my boyfriend in Mexico, I don’t regret about accepting the challenge that would prepare me to now live with him in his home country very soon… (more info coming up!).
So if you’re into challenges and testing yourself when it comes to taking your relationship to the next level, I suggest you pay close attention to the next #FIRSTTHINGSFIRST before saying… I agree to move in with you, my love!
1.- My house or your house... Look for a neutral love nest together, consider the location to your respective workplaces, agree on the monthly budget for rent, services, and so on… but above all, don’t dare to say on your first fight “get out of the house!”… because I have news for you, now you’re a team with equal conditions, rights and obligations too!
2.- In life, not everything is a bed of roses… As romantic as the idea of living with your partner may sound, I can’t promise you that everything will be hunky-dory and that fights will disappear automatically from your life. What I can assure you is that the best relationships are not those free of fights, but those who know how to make differences work out between each other. It is really important that you always say what bothers you and vice versa… And bear in mind that you need to give in and identify the fights you can save.
3.- Manage your relationship... without putting your freedom aside. It’s not only about handling your house expenses, but also about knowing the importance of managing the time you dedicate to your partner and to yourself. Each of you must respect their own space and time to do some things on your own and other stuff as a couple. Do not quit your hobbies, neglect yourself or stop keeping in touch with your friends. Remember that you’re grown-ups sharing their life and no one owns anyone.
4.- “Sharing is caring” … That is, sharing is the best way to show your partner how much he/she means to you. If you had trouble in kindergarten when lending your Barbie dolls or your Hot Wheels to your classmates, now imagine sharing 24/7 e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g with your boyfriend/girlfriend! (your time, socks, favorite ice cream, bathroom, Netflix account, etc…).
5.- Although we’re in the 21st century… The idea of moving in with your partner does not seem to be that accepted in some contexts such as the traditional Mexican. However, at the end of the day is your decision and no one else’s, because just as my mom said: “Mijita: are you warning me or are you asking me for permission?” … Stop worrying to have people’s approval and analyze what is the best for you and your partner.
These are the #FIRSTTHINGSFIRST that I suggest you consider if you’re about to say “I do!” when it comes to move in with your partner to get to know each other better, but above all to be sure that you can live under the same roof together and maybe be ready one day to take the big step to a happily-ever-after.
Don’t forget that the 9th of every month there will be a new post. So now you know, if you want to keep reading this first-time experiences diary, remember: when was the last time you experienced something for the first time? Until the next post!